


For How Long

by ChrisRenHeb



Category: KAT-TUN (Band)
Genre: KAT-TUN - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 08:54:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChrisRenHeb/pseuds/ChrisRenHeb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he decides to give up os when things start to change</p>
            </blockquote>





	For How Long

**Author's Note:**

> A really old finished fic I found in an old notebook. When it was 6nin.

For how long have I cared about him? In my mind it seems that there has never been a time when he has not been in my heart and mind. When he is not present I search for him and when he is near I long for his attention. I look to him but he has never seen me.

                I see him look to others and is rarely beside me while working our various schedules. ‘How much can a heart hurt?’ I ask that of myself daily and I am still here torturing myself with this impossible yearning.

                I have made a decision today; I am locking my heart away. No one has ever seen my pain. So I no doubt they will see a difference in me at all. I will show a mask of indifference until I no longer care for him or…..well you get the picture.  All I am hoping for is to be strong enough to carry this through….God help me.

~

                Walking into his group’s dressing-room Kamenashi Kazuya aka Kame was greeted with a chorus of ‘Hey’ and ‘Good Morning’. Sighing he dropped himself onto the couch and laid his head back. He was feeling out of sorts today just as he had for the past week. The feeling of something being off kilter would not leave him, as if his emotional stability had been taken away. ‘Why do I feel like this? What is different?’ Taking everything in front of him, he took stock of his surroundings.

                To his left he spied Maru studying intensely at the dressing-table while Koki seemed to be fixing some sort of costume and listening to his mp3 player a couple of chairs down from him.

Jin in another chair was on his cell and from his soft chuckling it must have been Yamapi that he was texting. Ueda was lightly strumming his guitar to Kame’s right, at the other end of the couch. And finally his eyes rested on Junno. Kame’s expression softened and his eyes lightened as he noticed him sitting down against the wall playing his DS, surprisingly enough quietly. Nothing seemed like it could be the cause of Kame’s restlessness.

                Putting his feelings to the back of his mind he went about his day normal as any other workday. And yet his gaze kept straying to Junno. Every time he looked up Junno would be in his line of sight and yet Junno never looked up.

                Sighing to himself Kame walked up to their former leader and whispered, “Tat-chan is something wrong with Junno?”

                “Not that I know of, why do you ask?”

                “I just have a feeling, I can’t explain it.”

                “Kame is this related to your feelings for him? If you are so concerned maybe you should just ask him if something is up?

                “I…I’m not sure what you mean about my feelings…um…for him.”

                “Kame, I’ve known about your feelings for him for quite a while now. I never wanted to force you to come to me and talk about it. So I never said anything.”

                “I…I don’t really know what to say.”

                “Why did you never say anything to him about how you felt?”

                “I thought he would hate me or even worse, not take me seriously because I am the youngest of the group. I didn’t want it to be turned into a joke with the rest of the band.”

                “I suggest you talk to him. No, not confess just converse.”

                “Maybe, maybe I will try Tat-chan.”

                Unknown to both, someone was watching them with sad, yearning eyes.

~

                I told myself I would stop but yet here I am watching him with another again. I am so pathetic. I can’t wait for this day to end, so I can get out of here.

~

                At the end of the day when everyone had gone, Kame walked up to the only other band-mate left in the room, Junno.

                “Um….ah, Junno?”

                “Yes, Kame?” Junno replies with only a quick glance at Kame.

                “I was, uhm….ah….just wondering……are you alright?”

                “Of course, why do you ask?”

                “To be honest this will sound odd but I just feel as if something is different. Like maybe something is troubling you.”

                “How did…hmm, no of course not. Nothing is different or troubling me. I’m sorry Kame, but I need to leave now. I’ll see you in a couple of days. Have a good weekend.”

                Kame watched in sadness and confusion as Junno practically ran out of the room. ‘What is he hiding from me? Maybe he knows how I feel about him. Or maybe he doesn’t trust me. Could I have upset him somehow? Kame, just calm yourself. Just have to wait and see.’

~

Junno panicking ran to his car and drove off. Driving on auto-pilot, he went over what happened in his head. ‘I almost screwed up there. I have to be more careful. I can’t let him know how I feel.’

~

                After thinking about the situation all weekend Kame decided he would keep a watch over Junno, making sure he was alright and that it was not Kame himself that was bothering his group-mate. ‘I won’t burden him with my unwanted emotions so I’ll just look out for him.’

Approaching the dressing-room Kame heard yelling. Hurriedly he entered the room as Koki was freaking out at Junno for a harmless joke gone wrong. Kame jumped in between them.

“Back off Koki, leave him alone. Go, get some air, calm down then come back.”

As Koki stormed off, Kame turned to Junno, “Are you alright?”

“Yes, I am fine. Although that was not needed, thank you. I’ll go take a quick walk and clear my head.”

Looking around Kame spied Ueda sitting calmly across the room. “Tat-chan, why didn’t you stop the fight?”

“I didn’t see the need as of yet. It wasn’t physical and Junno needs to be more careful with his jokes.”

“But Tat-chan….”

“No buts Kame. I know you want to protect him but don’t fight his battles for him. Especially if you don’t want him to figure out your feelings.”

Kame looks away and sighs.

~

‘Why? Why would he jump in between me and Koki? Why would he take my side against Koki? I just don’t understand what he is thinking. It’s so confusing.’

~

Most of Kame’s day had been taken up with voice training, meetings with managers and now a script reading. By the time Kame finally got away everyone had already left. Discouragingly Kame slowly walked out of the building. Looking up at the deep, dark blue night sky he sighed longingly. ‘I wonder how Junno is after what happened with Koki?’            

~

Exceptionally tired after his sleepless night Junno was resting on the only sofa in the dressing-room when Jin came in. “ Junno, move! I’m tired, I want the sofa.” Jin snapped at him.

“Sure, Jin.” Junno made the move to get up as Kame walked in. Having heard what had transpired Kame held Junno off.

“Jin, can’t you tell Junno is also tired, he doesn’t have to move for you. Go sit in one of the chairs.”

“Junno, how lame are you to have someone else fight your battles for you. And Kame, don’t tell me what to do, it’s none of your business.”

“Jin, shut up! Kame, remember what I said yesterday and Junno, they are calling you. It’s your turn for the interview.” Ueda interrupted, with the air of a leader even though he stepped down from that role, as he walked calmly into the room.

“Sorry guys. Junno, I didn’t mean it.” Jin muttered ashamed by his own sttitude.

“It’s alright Jin. I understand.” Junno smiled softly now that there was peace and slipped out the door.

Jin then turned to Kame, “Don’t you think you should tell him how you feel? It’s been kind of obvious to everyone but him lately.”

Kame looked over at Jin looking sad and sighed, “I really don’t have the courage to do that. I know he cares about me as a band-mate but I have no hopes that it could be more.”

“Kame just think about it, ok?”

“Alright, I’ll think about it.”

~

Junno headed back to the dressing-room after his interview. Walking through the doorway, he noticed that no one else was present in the room. He went further into the room to where his bag was located. ‘What the hell?’ Looking down he spied a rather heavy looking box resting on a corner of his bag. In a panic he rushed over and shoved the box off and searched his bag for any damage. In despair he found his DS severely cracked, clicking it on he realized it would never work again.

As the rest of the group returned to the room they noticed Junno’s watery eyes. “Junno what happened?” Koki looked at him in shock.

Junno held up his demolished DS. “How the hell did that happen?” Koki bursts out in shock.

He pointed over to the offending box. “I came in and that heavy box was on my bag. When I checked my bag I found it like this. It won’t even start up now.”

“Um…..Junno, I am so sorry. I put that box there earlier not realizing I put it on your bag. I’ll get you a replacement.” Maru eyed Junno contritely.

“No, it’s all right. This just hasn’t been my week. Guys, I’m just going to go home.” Junno murmured as he quietly walked out of the room.

“I feel awful about this. But I don’t have time to go and get him a new one today. I have filming to do.”

“Don’t worry Maru, I can go for you.” Kame replied with a secret smile.

“Thanks Kame, I’ll leave it to you. I better go.”

~

As Kame walked through the store to the electronics department, his mind was off in different directions. ‘I’ll help Maru out but maybe get something for Junno myself. Then maybe I can confess to him.’ Finding the DS, he decided to get him a different color from his broken black one. He chose the blue one a nice change from the old (broken) black one. Before calling the employee over, Kame saw what he wanted to get Junno, a PSP system with several games. Calling Maru, Kame informed him of that he purchased the replacement and he was headed to Junno’s place.

“Thanks so much Kame. I’ll pay you back. Tell Junno again how sorry I am. Thanks again, bye.”

Kame knocked on Junno’s door and waited nervously for him to answer. “Coming…..” a voice calls out. “Kame?! Wha…Why are you here? Did you need something?”

“Actually I came for two reasons. First, I brought the replacement DS for Maru. I picked out a new color, I hope you like it.”

“Wow, thanks. I do like it a lot. Again thanks. But what is the second reason?”

“Ok, um…the second reason has two parts to it. First, I personally wanted to get you something that is just from me. I hope like it as much as the DS.” Shyly handing over the other package he brought with him.

Junno opened the package curiously. As he saw what was in it his expression turned excitedly happy. “Kame, what, how, why?”

Kame smiled at him, “You forgot; where and how in that series of questions.”

“Kame, really why?”

“First, do you like it?”

“Of course, I love it. The only person who would love it more would be Ninomiya-sempai.”

“That’s a relief. Ok, so….(sigh)….ok, so the second part of this is….Junno,Ireallylikeyou.Ihavefor-

averylongtimebutIwastooscaredtotellyou.AndIwillunderstandifyoudon’tfeelthesamebutIhopeyoudo.” Kame burst out in a rush of breath.

                Junno looked stunned at Kame’s garbled confession. “Ah, Kame….”

                Looking embarrassed, Kame backed up and turned around. “I’m sorry Junno, I had a feeling you didn’t feel the same. Please just forget I said anything.” He walked to the door with his head down. As he was about to turn the knob another hand reached out and turned him around.

                “Kame, stop, please.”

                Looking into Kame’s eyes, Junno realized that they were so alike. The feelings they had been hiding from each other. Holding Kame’s hand, he let himself see that the other had been looking at him, seeing him this whole time. It amazed and humbled him. ‘Now it is MY turn to be brave.’

                “Kame, you’ve got it wrong. I am not rejecting you. I was just so stunned that I after I made the decision to forget about _MY_ feelings for you, _YOU_ confessed to _ME._ For the longest time, I have been in love with you but felt that you would never turn my way. Please, say it again.”

                Never wanting to let go of the hand holding his, Kame looked into Junno’s eyes and was awed by all of the emotions shining out at him. “Junno, I love you.” Leaning in, Junno slowly, delicately kissed _HIS_ Kame.

~

                As they walked into their dressing-room, smiling at each other in happiness, A-TUN looked on. In their minds were two things;

“It’s about time!”

&

“They are so cute!”

 


End file.
